Understanding the Behaviors of Kids in Foster Care: How Behavioral Therapy Can Help

If you’re thinking about becoming a foster parent, you may have questions about the behaviors of children in care. 

Being a foster parent means being there for your child no matter what. You can be the difference they need to heal and thrive.

For many children in care, past trauma is common. They have likely endured experiences that no child should have to go through.

That’s why children in care who need help with their behavioral health can benefit greatly from behavioral therapy and the healing it provides. 

The Challenges that Impact the Behavior Challenges of Children in Care

Children in care (especially those in therapeutic care) often face unique and significant behavior challenges. These are usually shaped by their past experiences. 

Impact of Trauma and Loss 

Past trauma and loss are, unfortunately, common among children in care. 

This may include the loss of parents, family, or familiar environments — all of which can deeply affect their behavior. 

For instance, a child who has lost a loved one might struggle with feelings of abandonment and sadness. This trauma can manifest in various ways, such as difficulty trusting others or experiencing intense emotions.

Effects of Inconsistent Care

Imagine how unsettling it must be for a child to move from one home to another, constantly adjusting to new people and rules. Especially when you consider that over a third of children in care change homes more than twice a year! 

This inconsistency can lead to challenges in forming secure attachments. It can make children wary of trusting new caregivers. 

Because of this, they might act out or withdraw as a way to cope with inconsistent care.

Developmental Delays

Emotional and psychological challenges can impact developmental milestones. 

A child who has faced neglect or abuse might struggle with developmental delays, such as delayed speech and language development, difficulty with motor skills, and challenges in social interaction.

This can impair their ability to communicate effectively, manage their emotions, or interact with peers. 

These delays are not a reflection of a child's potential but a response to their difficult experiences.

It's important to approach each child with empathy and understanding. Caregivers should recognize their unique circumstances and provide the support they need to thrive. Every child's journey is different. With the right support, they can overcome difficulties and achieve their full potential!

Four Common Emotional and Psychological Behaviors

Understanding the behaviors shown by some children in care can help new caregivers and supporters provide the right kind of assistance. This helps to create a nurturing environment. 

1. Anxiety and Fear

Children in care may experience heightened levels of anxiety and fear. This can manifest in several ways:

• Separation anxiety - This involves a profound fear of being separated from caregivers. A child might become extremely distressed when a caregiver leaves, even for a short period, fearing that they won't return.
• Fear of the unknown - Moving to new environments and meeting new people can be daunting. This fear can cause significant anxiety as children may worry about what to expect and how they will be treated.
• Generalized anxiety - Some children may experience constant worry about various aspects of life, from safety to the future. This ongoing anxiety can affect their ability to relax and feel secure.

2. Attachment Issues

Children in care may struggle with forming and maintaining healthy attachments due to past disruptions in their relationships.

• Avoidant attachment - Some children might be reluctant to form close relationships. They may prefer to keep an emotional distance as a self-protective measure.
• Ambivalent attachment - Others might exhibit clinginess and have difficulty being comforted. They may switch between seeking closeness and resisting it.
• Disorganized attachment - This presents itself in children who lack a clear strategy for dealing with emotional distress. They often display confusing or contradictory behavior towards caregivers.

3. Trust Issues

Building trust can be particularly challenging for children in care due to past experiences of betrayal or abandonment.

For newer foster parents, it’s important to remember that forming trust takes time.  

• Difficulty trusting adults - Past experiences might make it hard for children to trust caregivers and authority figures. This can lead to skepticism and reluctance to rely on others.
• Fear of betrayal - Concerns that trusted individuals will let them down can cause significant anxiety. This can make it hard for children to form new relationships.
• Reluctance to open up - Many children may hesitate to share their feelings and thoughts. They may fear judgment or further betrayal.

4. Depression and Mood Swings

Children in care might struggle with feelings of depression and mood instability.

• Persistent sadness - Ongoing feelings of sadness or hopelessness can pervade many aspects of a child's life.
• Irritability - Frequent mood swings and irritability can be common ways to express underlying emotional pain.
• Withdrawal from activities - A noticeable loss of interest in activities that were previously enjoyed can be a sign of depression. This may indicate that the child is struggling to find joy in their daily life.

Four Behavioral Challenges Common for Children in Foster Care

As children in care navigate complex emotions and past experiences, they may exhibit some problem behaviors.

These behaviors can be difficult to manage. Understanding their root causes can help caregivers provide the necessary support.

1. Aggression

Aggression can be a way for children to express their frustration, fear, or need for control in a world that feels unpredictable.

• Physical aggression - This includes hitting, kicking, or other forms of physical violence. Children might use physical aggression to defend themselves or express feelings they can't put into words.
• Verbal aggression - Yelling, name-calling, or threatening others can be a way for children to assert themselves or release pent-up anger.
• Destructive behavior - Damaging property or belongings is another form of aggression. It might be a cry for help or a way to cope with overwhelming emotions.

2. Defiance 

Defiant behaviors often stem from a child's need to assert control in their environment, especially when they feel powerless.

• Oppositional behavior - Refusal to follow rules or instructions can be a way for children to resist feeling controlled or dominated.
• Argumentativeness - Frequent arguing with caregivers or authority figures is another form of defiance. It can be a child's way of testing boundaries or seeking attention.
• Deliberate annoyance - Intentionally irritating others to provoke a reaction can be a way for children to gain a sense of power or feel noticed.

3. Hyperactivity or Impulsivity

These behaviors are often linked to underlying anxiety or a need for constant stimulation.

• Restlessness - The inability to sit still or focus on tasks can be a sign of hyperactivity. Children might be trying to burn off excess energy or avoid dealing with difficult emotions.
• Impulsive actions - Acting without thinking about consequences can lead to risky or inappropriate behavior. This impulsivity might be a way for children to seek immediate gratification or escape uncomfortable feelings.
• Difficulty waiting - Struggling with patience and turn-taking can be challenging. This difficulty can stem from a lack of impulse control or a fear of missing out.

4. Withdrawal

Withdrawal behaviors can indicate that a child is feeling overwhelmed, scared, or unsure of how to interact with others.

• Isolation - Avoiding social interactions and activities can be a way for children to protect themselves from potential rejection or hurt.
• Emotional numbness - Showing little or no emotion can be a way to cope with trauma or stress. It's often a way to protect themselves from pain, not because they don't care.
• Avoidance of eye contact - Reluctance to visually engage with others can signify discomfort or fear. Children might avoid eye contact to feel less vulnerable or exposed.

Patterns Common in Social Interactions 

Unfortunately, social interactions can be tough for some children in care. 

1. Difficulty Making Friends

Making friends can be especially difficult due to a lack of social skills and confidence needed to form relationships.

• A deficit of social skills - Children might struggle with basic social interactions, such as starting conversations, taking turns, or understanding jokes. These skills are often learned through stable relationships, which some children in care may lack.
• Fear of rejection - Anxiety about peer rejection can make children hesitant to reach out and make friends. They might worry that others won't like them or exclude them from activities.
• Misinterpreting social cues - Understanding body language, tone of voice, and other non-verbal cues can be difficult. This can lead to misunderstandings and make social interactions more challenging.

2. Social Anxiety

Social anxiety can make everyday interactions feel overwhelming and scary for children in care.

• Fear of judgment - Worrying excessively about how others perceive them can cause children to feel self-conscious and anxious. They might be overly concerned about making mistakes or being judged harshly by others.
• Avoidance of social situations - To cope with their anxiety, some children might avoid group activities or social gatherings altogether. This avoidance can lead to isolation and make it even harder to develop social skills.
• Physical symptoms - Experiencing sweating, trembling, or nausea in social settings are common physical symptoms of social anxiety. These symptoms can be distressing and make social interactions even more daunting.

3. Boundaries and Personal Space

Understanding and respecting personal boundaries can be problematic for children in care. They may have experienced inconsistent or inappropriate boundaries in the past.

• Overstepping boundaries - Difficulty respecting others' personal space can lead to uncomfortable situations. Children might stand too close or touch others without realizing it's inappropriate.
• Need for control - Using physical proximity to exert control over situations can be a way for children to feel more secure. They might get too close to others as a means of asserting dominance or feeling in control.
• Unclear boundaries - Inconsistency in recognizing appropriate physical and emotional boundaries can create confusion. Children might not know how to strike a healthy balance between being overly distant and too close.

Three Academic and School-Related Behavioral Issues

Education is a high priority for children in care. Foster parents need to do everything they can to support their children’s educational success.

Some children in care may have behavioral issues related to school. Here’s what to watch out for:

1. Learning Difficulties

Learning can be particularly challenging for children in care due to various emotional and cognitive factors.

• Processing disorders - Some children may find difficulty in processing information effectively. This can make it hard for them to keep up with lessons and understand new concepts.
• Memory issues - Retaining and recalling information can be a significant hurdle. Children might struggle to remember what they learned in class, making it hard to build on previous knowledge.
• Comprehension problems - Struggling to understand and make sense of academic material can lead to frustration and disengagement. Children may have trouble following lessons or completing assignments.

2. Attention Problems

Maintaining focus in a school environment can be tough for children dealing with various emotional and psychological stressors.

• Inattentiveness - Difficulty focusing on tasks and instructions can cause children to fall behind in academics. Lack of attention can lead to missing important information.
• Easily distracted - Being sidetracked by external stimuli, such as noises or movements in the classroom, can make it hard for children to concentrate on their work.
• Forgetfulness - Frequently forgetting assignments, instructions, and details can disrupt a child's learning process. This forgetfulness can stem from anxiety, stress, or underlying cognitive issues.

3. Classroom Behavioral Issues

Behavioral problems in the classroom can affect the child, their peers, and teachers.

• Disruptive behavior - Interrupting lessons and activities can be a way for children to seek attention or express their frustration. This behavior can disrupt the learning environment for everyone.
• Non-compliance - Refusal to follow classroom rules and routines might be a child's way of asserting control or reacting to feelings of helplessness. This defiance can create conflicts with teachers and disrupt classroom order.
• Conflict with peers - Frequent arguments or physical altercations with classmates can result from difficulty managing emotions or social skills deficits. These conflicts can lead to a hostile classroom environment and affect the child's social relationships.

How Do Children in Foster Care Cope?

Children in care often develop various coping mechanisms to deal with their challenging circumstances. 

These strategies can be both positive and negative. Understanding them can help caregivers provide better support. 

Avoidance

Avoidance is a common coping mechanism in which children try to escape from their reality or avoid dealing with their emotions.

• Escapism - Using daydreaming or excessive sleep to avoid reality is one coping method. By retreating into their imagination or sleep, children can temporarily escape their problems and feelings.
• Substance use - Some children might turn to drugs or alcohol to numb their feelings. This dangerous coping mechanism can provide a temporary escape but often leads to more significant issues in the long run.
• Self-isolation - Withdrawing from social interactions to avoid pain is another form of avoidance. Children might isolate themselves to protect against rejection or hurt. This can lead to loneliness and further emotional distress.

Overachievement

Overachievement is another way children might cope. Using success as a way to gain control or approval may seem positive, but it can often lead to other issues if taken too far. 

• Perfectionism - Striving for flawlessness to gain approval can drive children to push themselves excessively. They might set unrealistically high standards for themselves in an attempt to feel valued or accepted.
• Excessive studying - Overworking in academics to distract from emotional issues can be a way for children to focus on something they can control. While academic success can be positive, it can lead to burnout or avoidance of addressing underlying emotional pain.
• High expectations - Setting unrealistic goals and feeling devastated by failure can be a sign of overachievement. Children might believe they must excel to be worthy of love or attention. This can cause intense pressure and disappointment when they fall short.

Manipulation and Control

Manipulative behaviors can be a way for children to exert control over their environment and relationships. This often stems from a need to feel secure.

• Manipulative behavior - Using tactics to control situations and people can be a coping strategy. Children might manipulate others to get what they want or feel powerful, especially if they have experienced a lack of control in their past.
• Control over routines - Insisting on specific routines to feel secure can provide a sense of stability. Children might become very rigid about their routines as a way to create predictability.
• Emotional blackmail - Using emotions to influence caregivers or peers is another manipulative behavior. Children might use guilt, sympathy, or other emotions to get their needs met, perceiving this as the only way to gain attention or support.

How to Best Support a Child in Care through Behavioral Issues

Supporting a child in care through behavioral issues requires a compassionate and consistent approach. 

By building trust, providing structure, and encouraging open communication, caregivers can create a nurturing environment. This helps children feel safe and understood in your home.

Just listen to how Joanne Loussaint, a Massachusetts Foster Parent, puts it in her letter to her child in care:

"I want you to know I am here for you through the ups and downs. I hope you will find peace and comfort in this home." 

Here are some strategies to best support a child in care:

Building Trust and Security

Trust and security are foundational for helping children in care feel safe and supported.

• Reliability - Being dependable and following through on promises is essential for building trust. When caregivers are reliable, children learn that they can count on them. This is vital for forming secure attachments.
• Emotional support - Offering empathy and understanding helps children feel heard and valued. By validating their feelings and experiences, caregivers can create a supportive environment where children feel comfortable expressing themselves.

Consistent Routines and Structure

Establishing clear and consistent routines can provide a sense of order and predictability for children in care.

• Daily schedules - A routine schedule helps children know what to expect each day. This predictability can reduce anxiety and help children feel more secure.
• Predictability - Minimizing sudden changes and surprises is important. Whenever possible, changes should be communicated in advance to give children time to adjust.
• Clear expectations - Setting and maintaining clear behavioral standards helps children understand what is expected of them. Consistent rules and consequences provide a sense of stability and fairness.

Effective Communication Skills

Good communication is key to supporting children in care and helping them manage their behavioral issues.

• Active listening - Paying full attention and validating the child's feelings is crucial. Active listening shows children that their thoughts and emotions are important and valued.
• Open dialogue - Encouraging open and honest communication helps children feel comfortable sharing their experiences and concerns. This open dialogue can strengthen the relationship between children and caregivers.
• Positive reinforcement - Praising positive behavior and efforts can encourage children to continue those behaviors. Positive reinforcement helps children feel appreciated and motivated to improve.

How to Know When a Child in Care Needs Behavioral Therapy

Recognizing when your child might need behavioral therapy can be challenging, but early intervention is crucial for their well-being. Here are some signs that your child may benefit from behavioral therapy:

Recognizing when a child in care might need behavioral therapy can be challenging, but early intervention is crucial for their well-being. Here are some signs that a child in care may benefit from behavioral therapy:

• Persistent emotional issues - If the child is experiencing ongoing feelings of sadness, anxiety, or anger that don't seem to improve over time, it may be a sign they need help.
• Difficulty managing emotions - Frequent mood swings, excessive crying, or explosive outbursts can indicate that the child is struggling to regulate their emotions.
• Behavioral problems at home or school - Consistent issues with aggression, defiance, or hyperactivity that disrupt daily life and relationships may require professional intervention.
• Withdrawal from social activities - If the child is isolating themselves, avoiding friends, or showing a lack of interest in activities they once enjoyed, it could be a sign of deeper emotional issues.
• Academic struggles - Persistent difficulties with focus, attention, or completing schoolwork, despite efforts to help, may suggest underlying behavioral or emotional problems.
• Changes in sleep or appetite - Significant changes in sleeping patterns or eating habits can be indicators of emotional distress or behavioral issues.
• Traumatic experiences - If the child has experienced a traumatic event, such as abuse, loss of a loved one, or a significant change in their environment, they might need help processing these experiences.

If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to seek help from a qualified behavioral therapist. Early intervention can provide your child with the tools they need to cope with their challenges and thrive.

Want to Change a Child's Life but Not Sure Where to Start?

Navigating your foster care journey can feel overwhelming at times, but you don’t have to do it alone. 

Get the support you need every step of the way with The Beginners Guide to Foster Care.

You’ll get an understanding of foster care basics that includes helping children with behavioral issues. You’ll also get actionable tips to connect with children in care and much more.