Hear how Brenda’s powerful foster-to-adopt journey, filled with love, connection, and compassion, formed her forever family.
Brenda Sanders, a Family Development Educator for Mentor Foster Care, a part of the Sevita family, spends her day educating people who have chosen to take the life-changing journey of becoming a foster parent.
It’s a role she is uniquely suited for, given that she herself was the foster mother to 15 children, one of whom she also adopted.
Brenda’s foster-to-adopt path began long before she ever opened her home to a child in need.
As a young girl, she watched her teenage sister navigate the uncertainties of having a baby with medical needs. Seeing her sister’s deep love for her newborn planted the seed that, one day, Brenda wanted to help children in need.
Years later, Brenda found herself working in mental health rehabilitation within an organization that also supported foster care.
Every day, she saw foster families and children navigating challenging circumstances with resilience. It reinforced what she already believed: You don’t need to be perfect to foster, you just need a heart that’s eager to help.
As she put it, “Not only are we making a difference for one child, but we are making a difference for the parents, and we're making a difference for the world around them.”
A Family Decision Born From Love
Brenda and her husband already had two children when they learned they couldn’t have more due to medical reasons, but the desire to grow their family remained strong.
When the idea came up, Brenda approached her husband about fostering, and he didn’t hesitate — he was all in.
With his full support, and that of her two kids, they decided that opening their home to children in foster care was the next right step for their family.
Overcoming fears about becoming a foster family
Even with a clear sense of purpose, Brenda felt the same fears as many prospective foster parents.
Her biggest worry was whether she would be enough. “I felt like I wouldn’t be enough, because they know you’re not their parent. Will they accept me helping them?”
She now tells new foster parents that these fears are normal and that they shouldn’t question their ability to foster simply because they feel them.
In fact, caring deeply enough to worry is often a sign someone is ready.
Her advice?
“Ride with the tide. There's a lot of ups and downs, there's a lot of weight… But in the end, it's a beautiful, beautiful thing.”
Support for Biological Children and Foster Parents
Early on, Brenda and her husband also spoke openly with their children about what fostering would mean for them and asked if they had any questions.
If younger children were placed in their home, they encouraged their biological children to take on the role of “big sibling,” helping to create a welcoming, nurturing environment.
Their thoughtful approach had a big impact: both children have since said they want to foster when they’re older.
But fostering also brought moments of genuine difficulty.
Brenda remembers one overwhelmed child having difficulties in self-regulating and accepting comfort.
She called her coordinator, who talked her through the moment, reassuring her she wasn’t alone.
That support mattered.
Brenda still emphasizes how essential the 24/7 on-call support helped not just in a time of crisis, but throughout the foster parenting journey.
With her firsthand experience as a foster parent, Brenda is uniquely qualified for her role as Family Development Educator for Mentor Foster Care.
Brenda helps those on their journey to become foster parents, emphasizing the value of consistent, reliable support. For example, she helps foster parents understand that Mentor Foster Care provides 24/7 on-call support during emergencies and throughout every stage of the foster parenting journey.
Brenda’s First Foster Care Placement
Brenda’s first placement came as a sibling pair — a 2-year-old and a 3-year-old. The experience was a mix of joy, heartbreak, and responsibility. She knew the children were scared and grieving, pulled away from everything familiar.
To help them feel safe and supported, Brenda focused on connection through play. She asked what they liked, introduced activities they enjoyed, and built trust slowly, allowing them to adjust at their own pace.
It worked, and became the approach she carried with her through their fostering journey.
Since that first placement, Brenda and her family have opened their home to 13 additional children, both short- and long-term. Each child had different needs and required different strengths from Brenda and her family. Each left an impact that shaped the family in lasting ways — just as Brenda and her family helped shape the lives of all 15 children for the better.
Do you qualify to become a foster parent?
Inspired by Brenda’s story and wondering what the requirements are to become a foster parent? Find out if you meet the basic qualifications with this easy two-minute quiz.
Meeting a Baby Boy Who Might Need a Permanent Home
Their 15th placement arrived as an infant.
Right off the bat, they were told that due to prenatal exposure, he might become a “forever baby.”
Once the baby boy arrived in their home, Brenda remained committed to supporting reunification with his birth mother.
When they learned she wasn’t receiving the full visitation hours she needed due to scheduling conflicts, Brenda and her husband volunteered to host visits at their home. Their willingness allowed more bonding time between mother and baby.
That openness led to a strong, respectful relationship between Brenda and the biological mother.
At first, they communicated through a notebook — a simple tool Brenda now recommends to new foster parents. Over time, it evolved into direct communication through calls, texts, and shared events.
Brenda views it this way: maintaining a connection with biological parents isn’t only possible, but vital.
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The Foster-to-Adopt Journey
Despite everyone’s efforts, in the end, reunification ultimately wasn’t possible.
The birth mother had to decide whether to voluntarily relinquish her rights or risk a termination that would mean she might never see her son again.
Brenda reached out to the birth mother personally, gently assuring her that if she chose to sign, they would still allow ongoing contact, with a single boundary: she needed to be sober during visits.
The birth mother agreed, and the trust they built remains intact to this day.
The road to finalizing the adoption was long and complex, but it was worth it.
Today, their family is complete. The baby who first arrived in their home is now 11 years old.
Brenda’s advice for anyone considering fostering or foster-to-adopt
Through all the ups and downs, Brenda remains true to one of the main goals of foster care is reunification.
While adoption isn’t the goal, it is something that can happen when it’s truly what’s best for the child.
She believes that “the child who needs you the most will eventually come into your home.”
Brenda urges families to keep an open mind toward biological parents, many of whom have faced trauma, instability, or generational cycles of adversity.
Compassion, not judgment, helps children heal.
And her final advice for anyone who questions whether they’re “good enough” to foster? “If you love children and believe there’s no such thing as ‘bad kids,’ go for it.”
Every foster journey is different.
Every story has its own joys and heartbreaks.
But every child deserves a safe, loving home, and fostering can make that possible.
If you’re ready to learn more about foster parenting, get your free beginner’s guide to foster care today. You’ll get a step-by-step breakdown on the process of becoming a foster parent, along with tips and information on the support networks available to you.
