What foster parents need to know about ending placements successfully. Get expert guidance on transitions, emotions, and moving forward.
"My hope is that when our time together is over, you know you were loved, safe, cherished, and can carry that with you wherever you are."
This quote comes from Anne Powell, a Maryland foster parent. She understands that foster care is often temporary, and, whenever possible, children in foster care are meant to be reunited with their birth parents. But that doesn't make saying goodbye easy.
Whether you've been a foster parent for a few months or several years, ending a foster care placement brings up complex emotions for everyone involved.
For those looking to open their hearts and homes to a child in foster care, you might be wondering what comes next — and how to handle this transition with grace and love.
Whether the child in your care is returning to their birth family, moving toward adoption, or transitioning to independent living, the information here will help you create a supportive environment during this period of change.
Understanding why a foster care placement is ending can help you better prepare for the transition ahead.
Each type of ending brings its own unique emotions and opportunities.
Reunification with the birth family is the primary goal of foster care. It's a reason to celebrate — even if your heart feels heavy.
Just under half of all children in foster care are reunited with their birth families.
This planned transition usually involves a gradual process. The child in your foster care spends increasing amounts of time with their birth family before moving to their home permanently.
Adoption represents another planned transition. Sometimes, you might be the one adopting the child in your care. At other times, they may move from your home to a new forever family. Either way, this transition requires careful planning and emotional support.
Some children may transition to live with their siblings in another foster home. While saying goodbye is difficult, knowing they'll be with their brothers or sisters can provide comfort to both you and the child.
In some cases, a child might need more specialized care than your family can provide. This could mean moving to a therapeutic foster home or a different care setting. Remember that recognizing when a child needs different support shows wisdom and compassion.
Sometimes placements end with little warning.
A change in circumstances — either in your family or the child's situation — might require a quick transition. These sudden changes can feel overwhelming, but support is available to help everyone cope with the adjustment.
Transitions also happen when young people in foster care reach independence. This milestone brings mixed emotions as you watch someone you've cared for take their first steps into adulthood.
Moving to a new home is a big change for a child in foster care. Having a plan can help everyone feel better about what's ahead.
First, sit down with your social worker to figure out what needs to happen and when. This can help manage expectations and schedules.
You'll want to discuss:
Starting early with packing and organizing helps avoid last minute stress. Here are some important things to gather:
Make sure to pack everything in good-quality bags or boxes. This small act shows respect for the child in foster care and their belongings. Think about what you'd want for your own child moving to a new place.
One special project you might consider is making a memory book together. You could include:
This gives a child in foster care something tangible to take with them. It also creates natural opportunities to talk about their feelings and the move.
Moving to a new home stirs up lots of feelings. A child in your care might feel excited, scared, angry, or sad — sometimes all at once.
Your steady support during this time makes a big difference in how they’ll handle the change.
Telling a child their time in your home is ending might feel hard, but it’s best to start the conversation early.
Find quiet moments when you can really listen, like during a car ride or while doing an activity together. Be honest about what's happening and when, but keep the details simple and clear.
Make sure to leave plenty of space for questions and all kinds of feelings, even the tough ones.
When you talk about their next home, stay positive while acknowledging that it's natural to feel sad or worried.
Share what you know about where they're going, but be careful not to make promises you can't keep. This helps build trust and makes the unknown feel less scary.
Big changes feel more manageable when daily life stays predictable.
Keep your regular routines going strong: This means sticking to familiar meal times, bedtime stories, and weekly activities.
When children know what to expect from their day, they feel more secure, even when bigger changes are happening around them.
Help the child in your care understand that moving doesn't erase the good times you've shared.
Take some photos of their favorite spots in your home or write down funny stories you both want to remember. You might spend time writing down their favorite recipes or visiting special places together.
Remember that children often show their feelings through behavior rather than words. You might notice more tantrums, clinginess, or attempts to push you away. Showing extra patience during this time helps everyone cope better with the changes ahead.
Ending a foster care placement affects the whole family.
Your other children might struggle with saying goodbye to a sibling. You may notice different emotions surfacing for everyone at home.
Taking care of your family during this time is just as important as supporting the child in foster care who is leaving.
Your children have shared their home, their toys, and their parents' attention with another child.
They've likely formed close bonds, and saying goodbye won't be easy for them either. Talk with them about their feelings, and help them understand why the change is happening.
Consider letting them be part of the goodbye process. They might want to write a letter, make a special gift, or help plan a farewell activity. This gives them a sense of closure and helps them process the change in their own way.
It's natural to feel a mix of emotions when a foster placement ends.
You might feel sadness, relief, worry, or grief — sometimes all at once. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions without judgment. This means you’ve opened your heart and cared deeply.
Find ways to take care of yourself during this transition.
This might mean talking with other foster parents who understand what you're going through, taking quiet time to process your feelings, or doing activities that help you recharge. Remember that taking care of yourself helps you better care for others.
Some foster parents find it helpful to write about their experience or create their own memory book to keep. You might need time before accepting another placement. Listen to your needs, and don't rush the healing process.
Saying goodbye doesn't always mean ending contact.
Many foster families stay connected with children in foster care who have lived with them. The type of contact depends on many factors. Your social worker can help you understand what is appropriate for your situation.
This might mean sending letters and birthday cards, sharing photos, or having occasional visits if everyone agrees. Let the child set the pace — some might want regular contact while others may need space to settle into their new situation.
Relationships change over time, and that's okay. A child who seems distant right after moving might reach out years later to share a milestone or simply say thank you.
Your role will shift from daily caregiver to supportive connection, and this new relationship can be meaningful in its own way.
Even if staying in touch isn't an option, remember the impact you’ve made for the better – and how much that matters.
This might be due to legal reasons, safety concerns, or the wishes of others involved. In these cases, focus on the positive impact you've made. Every child benefits from experiencing love, stability, and care — no matter the time period.
You can honor your connection by keeping photos and mementos in a special place, creating your own way to celebrate their birthdays, or channeling your love into helping other children in foster care.
Some foster parents find comfort in writing letters they may never send, just to express their feelings and hopes for the child's future.
Foster parents often share similar concerns about ending placements. Here are answers to some common questions that might be on your mind.
Choose a quiet moment when you have plenty of time to talk. Be honest and direct, yet stay sensitive to their age and level of understanding.
You might say, "I want to talk about some changes coming up. The social worker has let us know you'll be moving to [new situation] in [timeframe]." Give them space to ask questions and share their feelings.
Give yourself time to grieve. Remember that feeling sad shows you did exactly what you were supposed to do — you cared deeply.
Talk with other foster parents who understand, lean on your personal support system, and consider joining a support group. Some people find comfort in journaling or creating a special scrapbook.
Make it meaningful but not overwhelming. Consider planning a special dinner, taking more photos together, or doing a favorite activity.
Give the child in your care something to take with them, like a photo album or a letter as a reminder of what you've loved about having them in your family. Keep the last day calm and positive.
Listen to their fears and validate their feelings. Explain that this change isn't because of anything they did wrong.
Help them focus on the positive aspects of where they're going while acknowledging that it's okay to feel scared or sad about leaving.
Be open about the upcoming change and make space for their feelings, too.
Let them be part of planning the goodbye and help them think of ways to remember their foster sibling. Some families create a ritual, like making a holiday ornament or planting a tree together.
If you’re having trouble with a foster care placement ending, why not speak to someone with expertise?
Get answers specific to you and your life circumstances: Talk to a foster care expert for personalized insights, next steps, and what you can expect when a placement ends.
There’s no denying it: No one likes goodbyes. But if the fear of getting too attached is holding you back, remember: The best things in life are often the scariest.
Talking through your fears may help you make the best decision of your life.
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