When a child joins your home through foster care, they bring more than just their belongings — they bring their own story and feelings about love and trust.
As a foster parent, perhaps you have a new placement and aren't sure how to show love while respecting boundaries.
Maybe you're caring for a child who seems to push away your affection, or you're mindfully balancing your role while honoring their connection to their biological family. These feelings and uncertainties are normal — and they show how much you care about doing what's best for the child in your care.
Building trust and showing love might feel challenging at first, but small actions can make a big difference.
From daily routines to special moments, there are many ways to help children in foster care feel safe, valued, and loved in your home while respecting their past, present, and future relationships.
Children in foster care often see love differently than other children. Past hurts can make it hard for them to trust or accept care from new adults in their lives.
Her words highlight an important truth — showing love to children in foster care means meeting them where they are, without expecting immediate trust or connection.
Some children might push back against affection, while others might seem to need constant reassurance. Both reactions come from the same place: past experiences that have shaped how they view love and care.
Understanding this is the first step in building a loving bond that can help them heal and grow.
Let's be honest — showing love isn't always as simple as giving hugs or saying "I love you."
When you're parenting a child who has joined your family through foster care, love looks like a thousand tiny moments of connection and care.
Sheronda Glenn, an Ohio foster parent, puts her love beautifully in her letter to her child in foster care:
"I look forward to cooking for you and doing fun things with you. Most of all, I hope to hear your hopes and dreams for your future and be a person you can trust to help you reach your goals."
Building up trust with children in foster care takes time, but showing up consistently is no doubt an act of love — and an act foster parents can show on a daily basis.
You know those moments when your child starts talking just as you're checking your email? Those might be the most important conversations of the day.
Put down the phone. Look them in the eye and really listen. Sometimes the deepest connections happen during ordinary moments — like car rides or while doing dishes together. When a child feels truly heard, they start to feel valued.
Think about it — when life has been unpredictable, knowing what comes next feels like a warm blanket of safety.
Maybe it's morning hugs, bedtime stories, or your famous Saturday pancake breakfasts. These daily routines whisper "I care about you" without saying a word.
Some children might run for a hug the first day, while others need time before a high-five feels safe.
That's okay!
Watch for their signs about what feels comfortable. Maybe start with sitting close during movie time or a gentle pat on the back. Let them be your guide.
Here's the thing about trust — it's built one kept promise at a time. When you say you'll be at their school play or make their favorite dinner, follow through.
"I want you to understand that my commitment to you goes beyond words. I am here to support you, to listen to you, and to fight for you every step of the way," explains Bill Ewolt in his heartfelt letter.
Even the smallest kept promises — like coming back when you say you will — build the biggest trust.
Remember that time you promised to watch their soccer practice? Or said you'd help with their science project? Each time you keep your word, you're laying another brick in the foundation of trust.
"You are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to, and I will be here to cheer you on every step of the way," shares Bill Ewolt.
And he's right — being there matters more than being perfect.
Not every victory comes with a trophy.
Sometimes the biggest wins are making it through a tough day, trying a new food, or sharing a feeling for the first time.
"At 11 months old you started walking. I think I scared you with my excited squeals, but you eventually got used to it and challenged yourself to go further each day," says Charisma Bowman.
Your joy in their progress, no matter how small, tells them they matter.
Every child needs to feel like they're your favorite (even if you'd never actually pick favorites!).
Maybe that's going out together where they pick the adventure or working on a project that lights up their eyes. Take walks where the conversation can wander, cook together even if it gets messy, or read just one more bedtime story. These moments of connection are building blocks of trust.
Surprise them with tiny reminders that they're on your mind.
Stick a note in their lunchbox, pop a message on their mirror, or send a quick text to older kids. Keep it simple and sweet.
Something like: "Can't wait to hear about your day!" or: "That homework looked tough — great job sticking with it!" These little messages say, "I'm thinking of you" even when you're apart.
You could also think about making an encouragement jar. Write down affirmations, jokes, or kind words and put them in a jar. Then, when your child needs encouragement, let them pull one out!
Every child has special gifts — help them see their own magic.
Maybe they're the best at making younger kids laugh, a whiz at remembering every detail, or super patient when learning something new. Tell them what you see. Not just once but often. These words become the building blocks of how they see themselves.
Love takes time to grow, and that's okay. Some days might feel like two steps forward and one step back. A child might welcome a hug one day and need extra space the next.
Remember — they're not rejecting you personally. They're processing big feelings and past experiences in the only ways they know how. Your steady presence, even when progress feels slow, is an act of love itself.
Let's be honest — fostering can stir up complex emotions in your own heart. You might feel hurt when a child pulls away, or unsure about how to balance being loving while respecting their bonds with their biological family.
It's okay to have these feelings.
Take time to process your emotions, maybe with other foster parents who understand or with a counselor who can help you navigate these waters. Taking care of your emotional well-being isn't selfish — it's essential to be the steady, loving presence a child needs.
Sometimes, showing love means stepping back.
Maybe they need time alone in their room, or they're not ready to talk about their day. That's okay. By respecting their boundaries, you're teaching them that their feelings matter and that love doesn't always mean being close.
Hard days will come.
There might be tears, slammed doors, or words said in anger. This is when your steady presence matters most. Stay calm. Keep showing up. Let them know that your love isn't based on perfect behavior — it's unconditional.
Make memories that last by letting your child help create new family traditions.
Maybe it's Taco Tuesday, weekend bike rides, or making hot chocolate on rainy days. Even better — ask them about traditions they'd like to start. When children help shape family routines, they feel ownership and belonging.
Take pictures of ordinary days, not just special occasions. Save their artwork, write down funny things they say, or start a journal of their achievements — big and small.
These become precious reminders of their time with you. More importantly, they show that you value their everyday experiences.
Tell them about your day. Share funny stories from your childhood.
When you open up about your own life — including your mistakes and challenges — you show them it's safe to be human. You're not just an authority figure; you're someone who understands that life isn't always perfect.
Talk about the future with hope. Whether they're with you for a short time or forever, help them dream about what's ahead.
"My hope is that when our time together is over, you know you were loved, safe, cherished, and can carry that with you wherever you are," shares Anne Powell.
Her words remind us that the love we share can impact a child's life long after our time together ends.
Love doesn't have an expiration date.
Even if a child is with you for a short time, sending handwritten birthday cards or holiday notes after they've moved on (if appropriate) shows them they made a lasting mark on your heart.
A simple "Thinking of you" or "Hope you're doing great in 3rd grade!" tells them they matter — not just while they were in your home, but always.
These small gestures remind them that your care wasn't tied to an address; it was tied to them.
Showing love to children in foster care isn't always easy, but every small gesture and moment of connection makes a difference.
While each child's journey is unique, your commitment to showing up with love and patience creates a lasting impact.
To better understand the love felt by foster parents, explore Letters Written with Love, a digital collection of heartfelt messages from foster parents to the children in their care.
These real stories capture the challenges, triumphs, and everyday moments that build the loving connections that last for years.