Real Talk: What To Do When A Child In Care Runs Away

When a child in your care runs away, every second matters—understanding the immediate steps and long-term support strategies can help keep them safe and rebuild trust.

Understanding Why Children Run Away and How to Stay Prepared

Let's be honest: children in care sometimes run away. If you're caring for a youth who has a history of running away or spending time in the community without permission before coming to your home, it's important to understand that this behavior will likely continue, at least initially. This isn't a reflection of your care or commitment—it's often a response to trauma, loss of control, or unmet emotional needs.

Running away is rarely about the destination. For many youth, it's about escaping conflict, seeking connection with biological family, or responding to overwhelming emotions they don't yet have the tools to process. Some youth run as a trauma response—a fight-or-flight reaction triggered by past experiences. Others see it as the only coping mechanism they know when they feel trapped.

Understanding the 'why' behind the behavior is your most powerful tool. When you know what drives a youth to leave, you can begin to address those underlying needs before the urge to run takes over. This knowledge doesn't prevent every incident, but it equips you to respond with empathy, build stronger connections, and create an environment where running feels less necessary.

Insights from Erin Thongsy, Senior Quality Improvement Manager

Caring for youth who have experienced instability comes with both meaningful moments and real challenges. One of those challenges can be when a youth runs away. While this can feel overwhelming, it is something many caregivers face, and you are not alone in navigating it.

Erin Thongsy, Senior Quality Improvement Manager with Mentor Foster Care, offers the following guidance.

If a youth has a history of running away or spending time in the community without permission prior to coming into your home, it is likely this behavior will continue in your home. Here are some tips to attempt to decrease this behavior:

• Build the "Why": Focus on building a strong relationship immediately. A youth is less likely to leave a place where they feel a genuine, personal connection and a sense of belonging.
• Identify Triggers: Talk openly (when they are calm) about what led them to run in the past. Is it a reaction to conflict, a need to see family, a trauma response and/or a coping mechanism due to feeling a lack of control? Knowing the "why" helps you get ahead of the "when."
• Create a "Cool Down" Plan: Establish a designated spot in the house where they can go to be alone and decompress without being interrupted. Sometimes running is just a desperate need for space.
• Give Choices: Taking time without permission (commonly referred to as running away) is often about reclaiming control. Give them age-appropriate autonomy over their schedule, room decor, or daily routine to reduce the urge to escape.
• Keep Lines Open: Ensure they have a support network and individuals to contact for (example a caseworker, trusted relative) so they don’t feel they have to run away just to communicate.
• Normalize the Feeling: Tell them, "It’s okay to feel like you want to leave. If you feel that way, come tell me, and we’ll figure out a way to make you feel better here."

Despite your best efforts, a youth in your care may still run away. When this happens, staying calm and following a clear action plan is essential to ensure their safety and your compliance with program requirements.

Erin Thongsy gives the below protocols to our Mentor foster parents when their youth runs away or spends time in the community without permission:

• Call the assigned program staff or after hours support number. Staff will collect information from you, provide guidance on next steps and support.
• Next steps could include calling your local police department to file a missing person’s report, reporting to the guardian, or contacting friends and family in an attempt to locate the youth.
• Keep the program up to date regarding any updates related to the youths status, including when they return. It is expected when a police report has been opened that the police are contacted when the youth returns.
• Be supportive when the youth returns focusing in on the why, any medical needs and the bullets in the above section

Creating a Long-Term Plan to Prevent Future Incidents

Prevention is an ongoing process, not a one-time conversation. Creating a long-term plan to reduce the likelihood of future incidents requires collaboration, consistency, and a willingness to adapt as the youth's needs change.

Work closely with the youth's care team—including caseworkers, therapists, program staff, and any other professionals involved in their care. Share observations, discuss patterns, and develop strategies together. A coordinated approach ensures that everyone is supporting the youth in consistent, meaningful ways.

Implement regular check-ins with the youth to assess how they're feeling and whether their needs are being met. These don't have to be formal or lengthy—sometimes a simple, 'How are things going for you this week?' can open the door to important conversations. When youth feel heard and valued on a regular basis, they're less likely to resort to running as a way to be noticed or to escape.

Celebrate progress, no matter how small. Did the youth use their cool-down space instead of leaving? Did they come to you when they felt the urge to run? Acknowledge these wins and reinforce the positive behaviors you want to see continue. Positive reinforcement builds confidence and strengthens the connection between you.

Finally, take care of yourself. Caring for a youth with a history of running away is emotionally demanding. Lean on your support network, access skill development and resources provided by your program, and give yourself grace. 

Running away is a challenging behavior, but it doesn't define the youth or your ability to care for them. With patience, empathy, and the right strategies, you can create a home environment where the youth feels safe, valued, and connected—a place where they choose to stay because it truly feels like home.

Get Expert Foster Care Advice 

Becoming a foster parent is a wonderful, fulfilling, and life-changing commitment for both you and a child in foster care. If you’re wondering if fostering is right for you, talk to a foster care expert and get personalized guidance.

You don’t need to be perfect to become a foster parent — just someone who is willing to provide love, nurture, and dedication to a child in foster care.